DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
