you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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