hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
