you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
