So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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