you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
