Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
