i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
