I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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