Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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