I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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