My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
