we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize