So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
