Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
