Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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