Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
