my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
