R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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