My first STD was from a foam party
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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