i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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