nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
