How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
