he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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