My friends, they love my intelligence
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
