Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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