lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
