operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
