no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
