hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
