Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
