Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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