It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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