just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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