you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
