mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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