WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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