In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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