i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize