Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
