Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
