You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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