you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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