she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize