The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
