I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
