I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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