well I can't set my house on fire every night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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