ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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