a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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