wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
