More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
