I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
