Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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