The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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