Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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