I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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