I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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